I'm Not An All You Can Feel Buffet
A few years ago, I found myself on my own, after having my husband, and father of my two kids, leave me. I worked hard to take care of my family and didn't really have much of a social life of my own. I had two very best friends who, like me, were on there own after similar experiences. What social life we had was usually at one of our homes together, snacking, watching TV, or just talking. Often our conversations wandered into what type of man we would like to have in our lives the next time love came calling. Of course we didn't really expect to meet our “Mr Perfect” anytime soon.
One day at work a friend and co-worker suggested that I try a new dating site that had just started up. I will refer to this site as Dum-asses-r-us to avoid getting into any liability issues. I met this neanderthal, I mean guy in my first week on the site, he seemed smart, seemed articulate and humorous. Since I had not been with a man in quite a while, I made it very clear as we chatted that I absolutely needed to take things slowly. Since my children were such a big part of my life, I made sure that I discussed them with him to ensure he was okay with that. He not only was okay, he indicated that he had been a bit worried because he had a child of his own and wanted to make sure that I was okay with children. As a matter of fact, he told me that on his days off he spent most of his time playing with his son. After hearing this I decided to take him up on his offer of dinner, wine and dancing.
I cannot believe how much I looked forward to that date! I spent the entire week getting a new dress, making sure that my best friend could babysit for me and getting my hair done. The night of the date I was running around in a tizzy, totally stressed out that he would not like me. His profile picture showed a really decent looking guy, and I really wanted it to work out. My friend told me to calm down before I hyperventilated, she told me to try not to look too needy or I would scare him off. In retrospect, I sure wish that I had scared him off! After calming myself down a bit, I went outside to wait for him. Suddenly, there he was! I eagerly rushed forward to set my eyes on the incredible body, great hair, and green eyes. When I bent down to say hello and open the car door I realized I had made a mistake, it wasn’t him! I guess in that instant I hoped that somehow it was not him! But alas, he was my date. The real life image was such a letdown. I was actually in shock! I think I was totally stunned. In any event, like a lamb to the slaughter, I just walked around to the passenger side and got in.
All the way to the restaurant I keep asking my self why are you in a car with a guy who looks like hes wearing a squirrel on his head. He must have posted a picture of someone else. He did not even begin to look like his online picture. He was as bald as a billiard ball under that amazingly bad toupee. And he was not even bright enough to have made it a blond toupee. His eyes were not green, they were black and blood shot. He did not have the well toned muscles either. He looked like he had not seen the inside of a gym since high school (if he got that far) and about the only exercise he had gotten in the last five years hoisting drinks in a bar The top ranked restaurant that he promised to take me to ended up being slightly more upscale than a greasy spoon diner The only good thing about the chosen venue was that it was in an area of town I did not frequent, so it was unlikely that anybody I knew would see me with this moron.
The waiter put us in a corner table. At least it had a table cloth and a candle for ambiance. Actually it didn't look too bad on the inside. We ordered. He had a steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, and I had fish with sweet potato fries. He had a bad case of roman hands and russian fingers if you get my drift. My hand was sore from slapping at him before the entree was served. He made a comment that single mothers like me were the best because they wanted sex so bad. I responded that I would sooner have sex with a cucumber than with him. I have to give the guy points for persistence. After slapping his had off of me a few more times he asked be to dance. Always the gracious lady, I said yes. What was I thinking? Once again, I had to keep removing his hands from various parts of my anatomy. I guess to show me what a great catch he was he decided to show off his dancing prowess. He spun me around so fast that my hand slipped out of his and I went flying into the bar and hurt myself. Well that was the last straw, as he approached me to see if I was alright I told him to stay away or I would scream. As I left the restaurant on my way to the hospital I let him know exactly what I thought of him, and let him know that I was getting a restraining order put on him to keep him away from me for good. I spent a few hours in the emergency ward nursing a broken nose.
That was the last time I took dating advice from anybody. I decided that I was going to spend more time making sure that any sites that I used were legitimate before joining them.
During my site research, I found the following link, and it made it easy for me to select sites that were the best for me.: